CBS makes me laugh

M: Ok, this irritates me too. Mr. Rather spent an awful lot of time saying that people were too focused on the documents yet no one was refuting the basis of the story (that Bush got preferential treatment). Um, I refute! I refute, I refute! How can I believe his story without any evidence? Yes, everyone IS refuting the story Mr. Rather. A, how do you feel?

Irritating things

M: Things that irritated me this weekend:

1.) Took the #2Man-Child to the Man's job on Friday. We call #2 Imelda since he has a shoe fetish. He wanted his shoes off so I complied. Upon departure we had to walk past an entrance to the building where 6 cops were sitting. 6, not 2, not 4 but 6 -- with guns (mind you, this is the handicapped entrance and the only one who ever uses it is me since I had the double stroller). So he is running towards them on the marble and one cop pipes in:(mini-script)

Cop: He needs to have his shoes on.
M: *chuckles* Not a problem, we are heading out the door right there.
Cop: No, he needs shoes on now. These floors are filthy.
M: *biting her tongue* You should see the floors at our house.

And out the door we went. Now I know their job is very important, THEY HAVE GUNS! But really, there has got to be something else for those cops to be doing.

2.) Went to Costco on Sunday. Why do I do that to myself (and why do they have Christmas decorations for sale already? I was stuck in that aisle the entire time with #1 and #2 while the Man got steaks, beer, chips, power strips and batteries. All things we really needed.) So I am beyond irritated standing in the checkout line. #2 is goofing around and busts his lip on the cart -- screaming begins. I grab him to check for blood (no blood but a new thrush infection!). #1 is milling around. Bizarre lady starts screaming next to me:

Lady: OH, OH, OH! Stop him! Look, stop him!
M: *trying to ignore her by focusing on the other 1,000 people in line*
L: Hey you LOOK!
M: *glances over and realize she is shouting and pointing at me! All 1,000 other people in line start looking at me*
L: He is LICKING the cart!
M: *glances at #1, who is in fact licking the cart....is that a problem?**she gets the eye roll*

The Man returned (getting two industrial sized Scope mouthwashes) in time to ask me what the commotion was about.

That was my weekend. A, who is the person at the rallies? I can see he irritates you but I have no idea who he is. How is it that I work in politics and don't follow it but you don't and know everything?

A:I think that guy Parlock - whose all over the internet with his crying 3-year-old on his shoulders is mentally ill. Who in the hell takes a little kid like that to a political rally and then holds up opposition signs. The little girl is probably crying because it's the 10th rally in as many days that her father has forced her to go to.

In the beginning.....

There were two sisters (well, actually 4 but we will get to that later), separated by vast miles of shacks, Spanish moss and people who think putting a peanut in Coke is normal. These are our stories....

M: So last night, the Man and I get a sitter and go out for dinner. It was lovely. We came back to the house (suffering from sushi bloat) and I walked out to get water from the garage. Something made me stop. There was something right next to my head, it was dangling. I sllllooowwwly turned and looked. There was a slug with a huge snot thing coming off of it and another slug dangling from the snot! All I could think is that I was seeing actual slug sex. So I yelled to the Man, "Get out here. I think these slugs are having sex." His reply, "Are you drunk?" Typical. However, I have never seen two slugs in one place before (except when we bought a beach house and the owner showed us his "worm farm" out back. I didn't see any worms but there were a few slugs -- yes, we still bought the property) much less having sex. It was so exciting that I went right in and went to sleep.

A: So two nights ago I have to clean the house yet *again* because the prospective buyers are coming the next morning with the inspector for the home inspection. I live in a state of fear that if everything doesn't look perfect, they will come and just, you know, change their minds. And, not only do I have to clean, I have to paint the entire kitchen ceiling because you can clearly see where I painted Kilz over the water stains from leaking bathtubs. So, The Man-Child offers to help clean. He cleans the entire playroom except for the huge slug smack dab in the middle of the wall. Please, I don't want to think of how that thing got into my house, but it's in the playroom and clearly has some association with one of the Children. I only went into the playroom and saw the slug because he kept telling me, "Go look at the playroom...go look...I did a great job." (Sound like any 5-year-old we know?). I walked in and looked around, and I was very impressed...until I saw that vile slimy thing on the wall. I said to the Man-Child, "What is that vile slimy thing on the wall?" He said, "I don't know, but I didn't want to deal with it."

Guess who had the pleasure of flushing it (wrapped in 2 paper towels so I couldn't feel its body) down the toilet.

M: The Man-Child? I think snot. Now, just to be fair, I have seen a slug (or two) up North. They would slime over to the dog dish if they were left outside (along with the big freakin' racoons). I didn't like them then and I don't like them now. The thing is, when you are up North the slug season is about two months. We have slugs from March to well....at least September. The fact that you get them in your house leads me to believe you need to do a little more cleaning. I hope yours didn't copulate in the playroom.