In the beginning.....
There were two sisters (well, actually 4 but we will get to that later), separated by vast miles of shacks, Spanish moss and people who think putting a peanut in Coke is normal. These are our stories....
M: So last night, the Man and I get a sitter and go out for dinner. It was lovely. We came back to the house (suffering from sushi bloat) and I walked out to get water from the garage. Something made me stop. There was something right next to my head, it was dangling. I sllllooowwwly turned and looked. There was a slug with a huge snot thing coming off of it and another slug dangling from the snot! All I could think is that I was seeing actual slug sex. So I yelled to the Man, "Get out here. I think these slugs are having sex." His reply, "Are you drunk?" Typical. However, I have never seen two slugs in one place before (except when we bought a beach house and the owner showed us his "worm farm" out back. I didn't see any worms but there were a few slugs -- yes, we still bought the property) much less having sex. It was so exciting that I went right in and went to sleep.
A: So two nights ago I have to clean the house yet *again* because the prospective buyers are coming the next morning with the inspector for the home inspection. I live in a state of fear that if everything doesn't look perfect, they will come and just, you know, change their minds. And, not only do I have to clean, I have to paint the entire kitchen ceiling because you can clearly see where I painted Kilz over the water stains from leaking bathtubs. So, The Man-Child offers to help clean. He cleans the entire playroom except for the huge slug smack dab in the middle of the wall. Please, I don't want to think of how that thing got into my house, but it's in the playroom and clearly has some association with one of the Children. I only went into the playroom and saw the slug because he kept telling me, "Go look at the playroom...go look...I did a great job." (Sound like any 5-year-old we know?). I walked in and looked around, and I was very impressed...until I saw that vile slimy thing on the wall. I said to the Man-Child, "What is that vile slimy thing on the wall?" He said, "I don't know, but I didn't want to deal with it."
Guess who had the pleasure of flushing it (wrapped in 2 paper towels so I couldn't feel its body) down the toilet.
M: The Man-Child? I think snot. Now, just to be fair, I have seen a slug (or two) up North. They would slime over to the dog dish if they were left outside (along with the big freakin' racoons). I didn't like them then and I don't like them now. The thing is, when you are up North the slug season is about two months. We have slugs from March to well....at least September. The fact that you get them in your house leads me to believe you need to do a little more cleaning. I hope yours didn't copulate in the playroom.
M: So last night, the Man and I get a sitter and go out for dinner. It was lovely. We came back to the house (suffering from sushi bloat) and I walked out to get water from the garage. Something made me stop. There was something right next to my head, it was dangling. I sllllooowwwly turned and looked. There was a slug with a huge snot thing coming off of it and another slug dangling from the snot! All I could think is that I was seeing actual slug sex. So I yelled to the Man, "Get out here. I think these slugs are having sex." His reply, "Are you drunk?" Typical. However, I have never seen two slugs in one place before (except when we bought a beach house and the owner showed us his "worm farm" out back. I didn't see any worms but there were a few slugs -- yes, we still bought the property) much less having sex. It was so exciting that I went right in and went to sleep.
A: So two nights ago I have to clean the house yet *again* because the prospective buyers are coming the next morning with the inspector for the home inspection. I live in a state of fear that if everything doesn't look perfect, they will come and just, you know, change their minds. And, not only do I have to clean, I have to paint the entire kitchen ceiling because you can clearly see where I painted Kilz over the water stains from leaking bathtubs. So, The Man-Child offers to help clean. He cleans the entire playroom except for the huge slug smack dab in the middle of the wall. Please, I don't want to think of how that thing got into my house, but it's in the playroom and clearly has some association with one of the Children. I only went into the playroom and saw the slug because he kept telling me, "Go look at the playroom...go look...I did a great job." (Sound like any 5-year-old we know?). I walked in and looked around, and I was very impressed...until I saw that vile slimy thing on the wall. I said to the Man-Child, "What is that vile slimy thing on the wall?" He said, "I don't know, but I didn't want to deal with it."
Guess who had the pleasure of flushing it (wrapped in 2 paper towels so I couldn't feel its body) down the toilet.
M: The Man-Child? I think snot. Now, just to be fair, I have seen a slug (or two) up North. They would slime over to the dog dish if they were left outside (along with the big freakin' racoons). I didn't like them then and I don't like them now. The thing is, when you are up North the slug season is about two months. We have slugs from March to well....at least September. The fact that you get them in your house leads me to believe you need to do a little more cleaning. I hope yours didn't copulate in the playroom.
posted by The Breeder @ 1:48 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home